Ghosts in The Attic

I started writing for the Global Gator while I was abroad. I thought it would be a great way for me to collect my thoughts and to show others of a millennial age that you too, can take out massive amounts of debt, shirk your responsibilities, and pretend to be a young person abroad. I did that, it did in fact work, much better than I expected might I add. But after two months abroad I am left with the reality that I am not happy at home, I don’t want to be here, and the life I had a glimpse into was more aligned with my desires than where I am now.

With sadness but positivity I left Europe on a high note, ecstatic at being able to see some of the greatest pieces of history in the Western world. I was smugly satisfied at my ability to plan an incredibly complex and diverse vacation for my family. Traversing a total of 5 countries, 7 airports, 3 cross country trains, numerous buses, and two rental cars. All on my own accord with nothing but my internet prowess and ridiculous geographical knowledge to back me up. I set out on this trip with very specific things in mind to see and do. Things that I would not let anything stop me from. I knew for 6 weeks I was in for an upheaval of life, going to school in a foreign country with kids is a massive undertaking, but for everything else I kind of felt up to the challenge. I proved to myself that I can navigate vast countries alone, that I can count on myself and my ingenuity to get me through.

After all was said and done, I felt like a new person. That previously a stranger, unaware of their capabilities, inhabited this old body. I learned more about myself in two months than in a lifetime.

And yet, now I am back home. Back to reality. The crippling pressure of life, the uncertainty of a career and my future loom over me like a storm. Palpable, and foreboding. the panic is starting to set in again that the path I am on is not right, I am not aligned with my hearts desires and I am afraid. How will I navigate these dark times? Only time will tell.